It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
