Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
