She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
