I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
