I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
