I feel like abortions should bother me more
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
