I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
