Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
