new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
