Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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