Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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