You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
