I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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