I'm eating all of the evidence.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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