So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
