took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
