Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
