Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
