so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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