I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
