I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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