And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
