Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
