meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Green mimosas i think yes
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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