So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
