I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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