Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
