if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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