What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
