The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We need a shit load of segways right now
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
