ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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