I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
