Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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