it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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