broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
