just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
