Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
