oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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