We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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