does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
