while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
