i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
