I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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