I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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