She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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