I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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