loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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