Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
