I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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