PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
