dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
