I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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