If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
