Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
